In August 2021, I finally ‘woke up’ and realised I’m not invisible and if I carry on drinking I am going to die. August 18th was the last time I drank.

I’m not going to get into nitty gritty of why or how I became mentally, emotionally, and physically dependent on alcohol, waking up in the night to top up so I didn’t go into withdrawal. Struggled leaving the house due to anxiety (caused by drinking), couldn’t hold normal conversations or form friendships in case they found out how much I was really drinking, hiding bottles all over the house and chose alcohol over absolutely everything in my life, including my kids. All I can say is over the years, without getting the right support for PTSD, alcohol became my therapist, my best friend and my support system. At the time, it seemed to make everything better, until it slowly started destroying my life bit by bit.

In 2021, after a drinking and driving conviction, visits to treatment centres, and doctors, I was told I had ascites, alcohol cirrhosis, and neuropathy. Not even that could get me to stop. I was in complete denial, my doctor telling me repeatedly that I was going to die, and all I could think about was my next drink.I couldn’t see a life without alcohol in it. I have never felt so alone, trapped in a maze of self-destructive behaviour with no idea where the exit was and there was absolutely no one who I could speak to, I was too ashamed of who I had become.

I always thought stopping drinking was the hard part... In all honesty looking back, that was the easy bit.

I was a shell of a person physically, mentally, and emotionally - I had no idea who I was or where to start on this road to recovery. All I knew was that I wanted to live a full life and see my kids grow up. I had already missed so much, and I wasn’t willing to miss any more.

My first year of recovery was the best and hardest year of my life. It was the year I came home to myself.

I went from being lost, without an identity, to finding myself, finding my voice. I went from nearly dying and weighing 42kg to rebuilding myself physically. I worked on healing myself internally (I was full of rage and had no idea how to regulate my emotions). I did a 3-month treatment program and took courses in addiction therapy, nutrition, to build a solid foundation for my recovery. I constantly set small, achievable goals for myself to keep me on track, celebrated my milestones, every day getting stronger. The stronger I got, the more amazing my recovery became. People often ask me how I did this, and my only answer is consistency, willingness to embrace growth and change, listening, stepping out of my comfort zone, self-forgiveness, acceptance, and putting recovery before anything else.

Recovery is not linear, but on the tough days, it’s about knowing how to manage your struggles, with alcohol being a distant memory in your life.

As I sit here writing this I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I am able to support woman in recovery, from the bottom of my heart I believe in you and can say firsthand WE DO RECOVER.