I’m not going to get into why or how I became mentally, emotionally and physically dependent on alcohol, waking up at through the night to top up so I didn’t go into withdrawal, I struggled leaving the house due to anxiety (caused by drinking) and chose alcohol over absolutely everything in my life (including my kids). All I can say is that over the years of not getting the right support for PTSD alcohol became my therapist/bestfriend/support system. At the time it made everything better until it slowly started destroying my life bit by bit and nearly ended up killing me. But I couldn’t see my life without alcohol in it. I have never felt so alone and I was trapped in a maze of self-destructive behaviour I had NO idea where the exit was.

 In 2021 after a drinking & driving conviction, visits to treatment centre and doctors I was told I had ascites, alcohol cirrhosis and neuropathy - not even that could get me to stop. I was in complete denial, my doctor telling me over and over you’re going to die and all I could think about was my next drink. 

In August 2021 I finally ‘woke up’ and realised I didn’t want to die on the 18th August is the last time that I drank. 

I always thought stopping drinking was the hard part…  in all honesty that was the easy bit. 

I was a shell of a person physically, mentally and emotionally - I had NO idea who I was or where to start on this road to recovery all I knew was that I wanted to live a full life and see my kids grow up (I had missed so much already and I wasn’t willing to miss anymore.) 

My first year of recovery was the best and hardest year of my life, it was the year I came home to myself. I went from being lost, without an identity to finding myself, finding my voice, from nearly dying and weighing 42kg to rebuilding myself physically. Worked on healing myself internally (not going to lie I was full of rage and had no idea how to regulate my emotions). I did an 3 month treatment program  and did course after course in from addiction therapy, nutrition so that I could build a solid foundation for my recovery. I constantly set small achievable goals for myself to keep me on track, celebrated my milestones (even putting on a few kg) everyday I got stronger and the stronger I got the more amazing my recovery became. People often ask me how I did this and my only answer is consistency, willing to embrace growth and change, listen, step out of your comfort zone, self forgiveness, acceptance and putting recovery before anything else. 

Recovery is not linear but on the shit days it’s knowing how to manage your stuff and alcohol being a distant memory in your life. 

As I sit here writing this I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I am able to support woman in recovery, from the bottom of my heart I believe in you and can say firsthand WE DO RECOVER.